Sunday, May 8, 2011

One Step Forward, Two Steps Back

First of all, happy mother's day to all the mom's reading this blog. I was blessed today to spend the day with my mom and my little boy. It healed my heart a little to spend time with him. We didn't do anything special, but we were together. Mark's mom spent the night with him last night and spent the day with him today. I know they enjoyed the time together also.

Well, I am glad we had the positive day yesterday because today was a difficult day for Mark. He woke up this morning with extremely sore feet. I admit, my first thought maybe it was from all the walking he did yesterday. Turns out on possible side effect of the chemo is very painful nerve pain in your extremities like hands and feet. As I write this, Mark's feet hurt so bad he literally cannot stand up for longer than a minute or so, and he can't take more than maybe one step.

He is also having some pain in his chest. My understanding is we hope to get more definitive information from the doctor tomorrow regarding what is going on right now. Other than that, Mark's mom said Mark slept most of the day because of the extra medications they gave him for his nausea and pain. He did not eat today and due to his pain, he did not get up today. Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day.

Prayer for tonight:
1. Take the pain away from Mark's feet so he can get up tomorrow and have a better day, and exercise to avoid pneumonia.
2. Take away the nausea so Mark can eat tomorrow. Food equals a healthier body.
3. Give me peace tomorrow. I will be returning to work in the morning, and I am extremely anxious about it to say the least.
4. Continue to decrease Mark's cell count. Once it hits zero, we can start working our way back up. Then we get to go home.

Thanks for your continued prayers and support,
Amanda

Saturday, May 7, 2011

It is all about the Attitude

So today was an exciting day. First, the good day began last night when I fell asleep at 9:00. I was exhausted and got about 10 hours of sleep, not sure the last time I slept that long. I left early this morning to get my long overdue haircut. I went to a place in Athens. The people were wonderful. They told me that when Mark starts to have his hair fall out, to call them and they will shave his head for free. The main guy, Mark Meeler, said chemo patients usually handled it better of they shave their head because they maintain control of the situation. It must be true; when I told Mark, he was so touched he started to cry.

After my haircut, I went to he house to get a few things done, then to my dad's house. Then to my mom's to get Brodie. Then Brodie and I went to the hospital to see Mark. It was a great visit. Brodie sat in Mark's lap while they colored Brodie race car coloring book. They both enjoyed the visit.

So, what's the update on Mark? Well today he was a new person. First of all, his white cell count is starting to drop, which is good. The sooner it drops, the sooner it comes back up so we can go home. The best news is Mark's new motivation. Since being in the hospital, all he wants to do is sleep and lay around. Well today his attitude changed. He ate almost all of his food today and walked 2.5 miles. He said he is determined to stay well and get out of the hospital as soon as he can. I literally cried tears of joy hearing him talk about his new attitude. Such a blessing and a major answered prayer - thank you Jesus.

So I am staying at my mom's tonight with Brodie, so I can wake up with him tomorrow for Mother's Day, and Mark's mom is staying at the hospital with Mark so she can see him for Mother's Day.

Keep the prayers coming and thank you for all the blessings you have brought to our lives.

Amanda

Friday, May 6, 2011

Muffins for Mom!!!

The doctor came in today and said Mark is doing well. At this point we are simply waiting for the chemo to drop Mark's white cell count to zero and then build back up. Once they build up, we get to go home. We did have a visit from Mark's cousin Brian today. Mark really enjoyed the visit. They watched Monty Python and the Holy Grail and had a good time. It also worked out well because I had to leave for a few hours this morning, and Mark was not alone the entire time because of Brian's unexpected visit.

So, where did I go? I went to see my precious little boy at his school for "Muffins for Mom". This was the first time I saw Brodie since Sunday. It was amazing to see him. He came to me and gave me a big hug and I started to cry immediately. I miss seeing him so much. I know Mark misses him too. It is hard on all of us. Anyway, after a few minutes of holding him and quietly crying, Brodie and I went and enjoyed a couple of muffins. He was so cute. He told me about all his friends, and took his sweet time eating and drinking his juice. I think he wanted to make it last as long as possible, just like me.

Thankfully leaving him worked out well because he decided he was finished and started playing with his friends. I simply gave him a hug and kiss, and headed out. This was also the first time all the staff at Brodie's saw me since Mark's diagnosis, so I spent probably another 30 minutes talking to several of them, giving them updates, and telling them the information I have at this point.

On my way back towards the hospital, I stopped at my mom's work so she could see how I am doing. She is worried about Mark and me. She has a unique perspective of this situation, and I know it is hard for her. I got back to the hospital about 4 hours after I left, just in time to hear what the doctor had to say. Once Brian left, Mark and I both actually fell back asleep for a short time. Needless to say, I am exhausted. All the stress and sleepless nights from the past two weeks are starting to catch up with me. Thankfully, Mark's mom is coming tomorrow to stay with Mark for a few days. I will check in at home and then stay at my mom's house. This way I get to wake up with my little boy on Mother's Day. Then I will return to work Monday, and visit Mark each night before going home or to my mom's to sleep.

Anyway, I am looking forward to the next couple of days, but I dread leaving Mark. I am comforted by being in the hospital with him because I know what is happening; however, I also know I have to take care of myself so I can take care of Mark and Brodie. Continue to pray for my precious little family and thank you for your support.

Amanda

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Sleepy Time

Mark had another good day today. I can tell his body is wearing down some because he is very tired. Last night he fell asleep about 10:00 and slept until about 11:00 this morning with the occasional restroom trip and visit from nursing staff. Then after going just over 1 mile on the exercise bike in the exercise room, and eating most of his lunch, he laid down to take a nap. So far tonight, Mark feel asleep at 9:00 (not sure the last time that happened) and I feel confident will sleep just as long unless he starts to feel sick. The nursing staff is so nice when they come in and he is sleeping. They try desperately to let him continue sleeping because they know how important his sleep is to get better.

Other than the noticeable increase in Mark's sleep, he is doing well right now, but I know not so good days are ahead when his chemo really kicks in. The oncologist says Mark is doing really good and is handling the treatment well, after the difficulty the first several days last week and this past weekend.

We did get to talk to our Brodie today. He is staying with my mom and going to his school. He is working really hard at using the potty like a big boy. He is doing such a great job with it; I am so proud. When we talked to him tonight, he asked his daddy if he felt better (it was precious). Then when Mark said he was feeling better, Brodie said to his Nana (that's my mom) "he's feeling better!". My mom said his face lit up with pure joy. That is precious. I love that little boy with all my heart, and not seeing him is very difficult. I know I can see him whenever I want to, and I will see him in a couple days; but I have to make sure his daddy is okay, so I have to be here. Mark is heartbroken that he can't see Brodie every day, but I plan to get Brodie down here to see his daddy every day we can, though Mark has to wear a mask. Just seeing Brodie makes the day better.

Today I am grateful for our mothers. They have been rocks during the early parts of this long process. They have helped in numerous ways, most notably taking care of Brodie. They offer encouragement and bring needed supplies, but most importantly they allow Mark and I to focus on Mark's health knowing Brodie is being loved and cared for, and most likely very spoiled, while we get through the first phase of Mark's treatment. Thanks you GG and Nana.

Pray for many more good days ahead for Mark during his treatment.

Pray for people who are available and willing to sit with Mark during the upcoming days so I can go back to work. There are only 2 weeks of school left, and I need to go back to get some things done.

Pray for continued strength and courage to get through this time.

Amanda

A Day of Blessings

Today (Tuesday) was a really good day. Mark had probably the best night sleep since we got here, with the exception of the "4 am stand up so we can weigh you". He also slept on and off until about 1:00 when we were blessed with some visitors.

The music minister, youth minister, and our deacon from our church. They offered laughter and brought some joy to our day. They are such wonderful men and aching to serve us in any way possible. They were quickly joined by Mark's mom's deacon and a fellow church member named Randall. They were all truly a blessing. It is so encouraging and re-energizing to be surrounded by godly men claiming God's power and control during situations like right now. Randall was a special blessing to Mark and I because he was in this exact unit, just down the hall from Mark's room a couple of years ago. Randall was diagnosed with AML and received treatment here. He has now been in remission for 2 years if I remember correctly. He was a great encouragement to Mark because he literally knows exactly how Mark feels right now. He knows the fear, pain, and sickness Mark is experiencing right now. He spoke about the wonderful care he received here, and it was so encouraging to speak with someone who knew exactly who we were talking about when we mentioned specific doctors, nurses, and techs. The most encouraging thing Randall said, which Mark really needed to hear, was to keep a positive attitude, do what the doctors say, and trust God to bring him through this time. It gets difficult at times to keep a positive attitude when you feel so sick and helpless like Mark feels right now. Randall helped Mark to get an inside opinion on the importance of staying focused and positive. The visit closed with a fantastic prayer from our deacon that brought tears to our eyes (and the eyes of our sweet nurse who was tending to Mark at the time). The visit was certainly a gift from God because the encouraging words were exactly what Mark and I needed to hear today.

After the visit, Mark ate 3 entire chicken fingers at lunch, walked 4 laps, and at almost his entire cheeseburger at dinner. These are all signs that he feels good today. His mom came by to visit and bring us some freshly washed clothes and some pictures she printed from our trip to Panama City just days before the diagnosis. The pictures are precious and I already cherish them. Brodie was adorable and had such a wonderful time. We all had a great time, and I look forward to the next family vacation we take as soon as Mark is allowed to travel. That family time is crucial, and I know I took it for granted. I will most likely take it for granted again once this trial is over, but I pray I appreciate the time more often than I take it for granted. I am blessed to have my precious family, and I will hold on to them tighter now than ever before. They keep me going and I love both my boys.

Thank you Jesus for all the blessings in my life right now. I find comfort in knowing you are controlling everything and you will take care of us at all times. Thank you for my friends and family, and the blessings they bring to my life everyday. I pray for a good day tomorrow and each day to follow. Amen.

Amanda

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Monday, Monday

Today (Monday) started a little rough. Mark started to get a fever about midnight and started to complain about a "heaviness" feeling on his chest. He mentioned the "heaviness" to the nurse right about the time I started to lay down, and this place sprung into action. Within about one minute, the tech brought in a scale to weigh Mark to see if he had sudden weight gain, which might mean he is retaining fluid (not a good thing). Good news is he is not retaining fluid. About 2 minutes after they weighed him, someone arrived from the 2nd floor with an EKG machine. They hooked him up while the nurse gave him pain medicine and checked his heart to make sure he was not having cardiac distress. Good news, his heart is perfect. They immediately called the oncologist at home to tell him what was going on. Dr. Holland, the oncologist this week, said everything was probably fine, but first thing the testing began again. The night without sleep continued at 3:00 am when I was woken up by the wonderful sound of Mark vomiting in his plastic bucket. I got up to help him and the nurse and tech also came in quickly to take care of him. It is truly amazing how quickly they respond to everything here - very comforting to know Mark is being taken care of so well.

Literally before we even woke up, Mark had an Echo of his heart to make sure it was looking good, followed by a chest x-ray and CT scan to make sure he did not have fluid in his lungs, and to check on the status of his pneumonia (the pain could have been his pneumonia worsening). Good news again, the nurse told us his lungs actually seem to be improving - Praise God!!! Once all those tests were over, the day became very routine and kind of pleasant, considering.

The pain went away during the day. Mark ate 2/3 of his lunch, which made me very happy, but none of his dinner (not so happy about that). Then we walked 6 laps around the unit. This is a big deal because Mark hates doing it, and he is supposed to walk 12 laps a day if possible. He did a great job. The laps are important because they help avoid pneumonia, muscle atrophy, and depression. We also had a nice visit from Roger and Mary (Ken's dad and his wife). They came by and gave us a beautiful devotional to encourage us. It was so nice to see them. They are such sweet and caring people. I look forward to the next time we go to Statesboro, and stop by to see them.

Overall, we had a good day. Mark did get a little irritated and feeling down later in the afternoon. He is not use to being sick, and he is tired of being here and feeling the way he feels. He does not want to take the medicine and he does not want to do things like pee in the plastic urinals. I told him tough. These nurses, techs, and doctors are doing everything they can to make sure he stays as healthy as possible and goes home in a few weeks. It is his job to do what they say. He knows all of this, but it is still a hard adjustment, and he is dealing with a lot of emotion right now. I know that. I am just working really hard at helping him stay focused and positive.

To close, I want to take just a moment to thank God for healing Mark's body today. He took the pain and discomfort away from his back and chest. He also gave Mark the strength to eat some food and walk some laps. Each of these are important steps in Mark's health throughout this process, and God is the only one who can give Mark the strength to get through this time. Thank you God for your healing, caring, comforting power during this time.

Amanda

Monday, May 2, 2011

A Better Day than the Day Before

Today (Sunday) was a pretty good day. The day began with a quick visit from our friends Ken and Abby on their way home. It was so wonderful having them here so I had a chance to go by my house and make sure everything was going well with my home and cat. As I mentioned before, Mark did not eat at all yesterday and I think only part of one meal on Friday. Today, I did have to push him a little so he finally ate a few bites of his lunch and a little less than half of his dinner. I consider this a success.

Mark did have an emotional moment early this afternoon. He expressed his frustration with not feeling well and that he does not want to eat because none of his food tastes good. He said all his food and drink either tastes like nothing or it tastes like his ATRA medicine. Poor thing. We had a pretty good conversation about his feelings and trying to encourage him that this whole experience will be over soon. Though it will not be easy, he will be better and we can move on from this soon.

Shortly after the emotional moments, Mark did begin to eat a little bit of food. I could tell very quickly that he felt a little better with some food in his stomach. Then the best part of the day, we got to see Brodie. Mark had to put on a surgical gown and face mask to go outside of the BMT unit, but we got to see him. He was tired because his GG had to wake him from a nap to come in the hospital. His allergies are acting up because he has spent so much time playing and having a great time outside this week, and he ran out of Flonase (I got him so more yesterday, so his allergies should get better within a few days). Though he was a little grumpy, I just don't care. I got to hold my baby boy for a few minutes and love on him. He gave his daddy and hug and kissed his mask. It was bittersweet because Mark was physically exhausted just from the slight activity of the day and could not interact with Brodie too much, but still that sweet boy was a very welcomed sight. I love him so much.

We have pictures of Brodie and our family and friends up on the walls and on the shelf in the hospital room. All the hospital staff talk about how cute he is, which is true. The pictures are comforting and it is good to see Brodie's smiling face in them. They also inspire getting well as soon as possible so we can get back to that life.

So overall the day was pretty good considering the circumstances. Hopefully Mark will continue to have good days. Good days are much easier to handle than the bad days. Round 2 of chemo will be tomorrow (Monday) morning. Other than that just the normal rounds of ATRA, nausea medicine, numerous antibiotics, antivirals, anti-fungals, and medicine to help control or prevent other side effects, as well as plasma, platelets, or blood as needed (even his nurse tonight was amazed at the number of medications he is taking - it was kind of funny).

Good night all and thank you for your continued prayers and support.

Amanda